Marriage Takes Work | Cornerstone Church | Pastor TJ McConahay

The big idea

Fixing a marriage takes truth, not fake fixes, and three proverbs — stop complaining and pray instead, choose gentle words, and center the marriage on Jesus — give couples real tools for repair.

Real marriages are messy and need maintenance, repair, and sometimes real fixing, but fake images and fake fixes never solve anything — only truth from God's Word does. Pastor TJ walks through three proverbs that show how to stop the cycle of complaining, choose better words, and bind a marriage to Christ so it can actually be repaired.

Point 1 of 5

Pastor TJ opens by admitting his own marriage doesn't look like the picture-perfect images we're shown, and that marriage takes maintenance and sometimes real repair. He tells the story of buying his girlfriend (now wife) a fake rose to end their first fight, which backfired completely, to illustrate that fake gestures can't fix real problems — only truth can.

Point 2 of 5

From Proverbs 27:15-16, Pastor TJ shows that constant complaining is as impossible to stop as wind or as holding something with greased hands, and that our culture treats complaining as a virtue. He tells the story of the ballpark nachos turning into cold cheesy fries and how his silent complaining nearly caused a fight, concluding that replacing complaints about a spouse with prayer for a spouse strips complaints of their power.

Point 3 of 5

Working from Proverbs 15:1, he explains that gentleness begets gentleness and harshness begets harshness, and that most fights could be avoided by choosing better words. He describes his counseling picture of moving couples from opposite ends of a table to the same side so they face the problem together, then confesses his own struggle with leaving cabinets open and how his wife changing her words from complaint to 'close the loop' changed his behavior.

Point 4 of 5

From Ecclesiastes 4:12, Pastor TJ explains that a person alone is vulnerable, two standing back to back are stronger, but a triple-braided cord — God plus two spouses — is hardest to break. He uses the classic triangle illustration (God at the top, spouses at the corners) to show that moving toward God moves spouses closer to each other, rather than just meeting each other halfway.

Point 5 of 5

He recounts his chaotic honeymoon road trip — a smoking hot tub, a jungle-themed room with looping animal sounds, an awkward karaoke train ride — where nothing went right, yet he and his wife loved it because they had each other and Jesus, praying thank-you prayers together along the way.

Take it into your week

Pastor TJ frames the charge around his three tools from the proverbs: stop complaining and pray, choose better words, and center your marriage on Jesus.