Consequences & Respect | Cornerstone Church | Linn Winters

parenting. I feel more qualified today to talk about parenting than I even did two weeks ago. Let me explain why. So last week, was actually speaking at Rockpoint Church in Queen Creek. My son is on staff there. And after I got done speaking during the week this week, he called me up, he said, hey dad,

I must have had a dozen people come up and just say how great it was to have you speaking here, and what a great job you did. And so I asked him this question, I said, does that mean you're not embarrassed by me anymore?

To which my son responded, said, no dad, there are so many other things I'm embarrassed about you for. And because I believe that embarrassing our children is one of our highest priorities as a parent, I'm doing pretty good.

We've said, and guys let this land in your hearts, our job as parents is not to raise children. Our job as parents is to raise fully functional adults who have given their hearts to God. That's what you and I aim for. And guys, our job is to do our very best to do that.

What I do need to say to you, you can be a perfect parent and then not turn out that way, because your kids have a thing called free will, right? They're gonna do what they're gonna do with whatever training you gave them. But our job is to give them the very best push in the right direction

before they leave our home, and then it's up to them. And if you doubt the fact that you can be a good parent, your kids not turn out well, well just think about God and his kids.

He's got a whole bunch of kids who didn't turn out so great, right? But we're gonna commit ourselves, we're gonna push our kids in the right direction with the best push possible, so that we can at the end say, look, I was a pretty darn good parent

with my kids. Hey, today we're gonna talk about the two things, the two things that you and I as parents need to instill in our kids. If you get nothing else right, get these two things right, they are absolutely essential to their success in life as adults.

And the two things that we're gonna talk about are simply this, that they would understand consequences. They'd understand this idea that, hey, my choices lead to results, they lead to consequences in my life. And then secondly, understanding positional authority,

that God has placed people in my life who actually have authority, and how I respond to those people is a big, big deal in my life. So here we go, let's unpack those two things together.

So you understand, first off, consequences. There really are two paths to consequences, either good consequences or bad consequences. And those paths are, number one, just kind of the either wise or foolish decisions that I make. You make wise decisions, most likely you're gonna end up with good results.

If you make foolish decisions, then most likely you'll end up with foolish results, unwanted results in your life. In other words, hey, you decide, hey, I just haven't had a vacation in a while, I'm just gonna take off to a room, but you spend all your money, you come home, you don't have money for a car payment.

Probably not a wise decision, and you may not have a car for very long, right? So decisions I make that either have good or bad consequences. The other is obedience or disobedience, that if I live in obedience, then most likely I live with honor for those who are in charge in my life, but if I live with disobedience,

then I can expect that there's gonna be some sort of repercussion, some sort of spanking that happens in my life, some sort of consequence because of my disobedience. So the question comes, how do I teach my child about consequences? Consequences from choices, consequences from disobedience.

So start with, hey, how do we teach our kids about

poor Let's go back, I'm sorry. Let's grab scripture real quick. Get your Bibles, go with me to Galatians chapter six, because it talks about this idea of consequences. Galatians chapter six, if you're not familiar, if you go to the back of your Bible, start working to the left, you're gonna find it. If you get to Ephesians, slow down,

Galatians is the next book. Galatians chapter six, starting in verse seven, here's what it says. Do not be deceived. In other words, don't lie to yourself. Don't try to fool yourself about this. Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows,

whoever sows to please their flesh, will from the flesh reap destruction, and whoever sows to please the spirit from the spirit will reap eternal life. So it's this whole principle of sowing and reaping. And yes, the primary emphasis of this passage surely is spiritual, right? I do things that are unspiritual,

they're wrong in the eyes of God, well then I'm gonna reap for those wrong decisions. But you realize this is an overall life principle, it doesn't only apply to spiritual things, it applies to just about everything in my life. I make foolish decisions, I'm most likely gonna reap foolish consequences. Wise decisions,

wise consequences. Let's go to another passage, it's Hebrews chapter 12. And Hebrews is gonna be toward the very, very back of your Bible, if you closed already, go to the very, very back, start working to the left, you're not gonna go far in. It's Hebrews chapter 12, it's verse 11.

No discipline, No discipline seems pleasant at the time. So in other words, there's been disobedience, and now I am reaping. I'm feeling the consequence of discipline in my life because of a decision I made. I'm living with the consequence of my disobedience. No discipline seems pleasant at the time,

but painful, right, we're like, man, I didn't think it was gonna turn out this bad, I didn't think the spanky was gonna be this big, I didn't think I'd be grounded for the rest of my life, right? Nope, just one seemed pleasant at the time, but painful, but later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness

and peace for those who've been trained by it. Here's what's interesting, it didn't say that it produces a harvest of peace for the people who are doing the discipline. Matter of fact, it may feel just the opposite, right? How of you have had a day, you're like, this is the thirty eighth time, are you kidding me?

But what it says is, hey, if we stay faithful to that, if we do the discipline that we ought, there's a time when for our kids, it brings a harvest of righteousness and peace in their life, because they've learned the consequences of disobedience.

Okay, so let's start. How do you teach your kids? Let's go to the first one. How do you teach your kids about poor decisions? Or this isn't a spiritual issue, it's just unwise thing.

Here's what you do. You teach your kids about poor decisions by allowing them to make poor decisions. So in other words, so often we try to keep our kids from making, and that's okay, and you do some coaching, but if your kid is set on making a poor decision, one of the best parenting moments you can give is go, okay,

okay, I've tried to warn you, I tried to give you some wisdom right now, but you're choosing to do something that's kind of foolish, okay, let's see how this turns out for you.

If it's your young, young child and you're walking through the store and they say, hey, I want a bag of candy. And you go, no, I'm not buying you the bag of candy. And then they go, what if I spend my own money?

And you go, well, here's the deal, you spend your money, you're gonna eat that bag of candy, might get a tummy ache, but you won't have any money tomorrow. I don't care, I wanna buy the bag. Okay, okay, buy the bag of candy. Now you're walking through the store two days later, and they see a toy that they want,

and they go, I want the toy. Now, one, don't buy the toy. Instead you go, well, hey, you know what, if you hadn't spent your money, you'd have money for the toy.

And what you're doing by allowing them to make a not so great decision, now they're living with the consequence of not being able to afford the toy, and you're instilling them the lesson that says, hey, just because I want it in the moment, doesn't mean it's a great decision. It's wise

to save my money for things that are actually gonna matter, for things that are gonna actually be important to me and not bags of candy that go away in a day. Right? You're teaching by allowing the bad decision and coaching. When Josh turned 16, Lisa and I made the decision we were gonna buy him a car.

We thought to ourselves, hey, he's making great grades in school, he's in all sorts of AP classes, we don't want him to have to get a job where he's like having to pay for a car, and pay for insurance, and pay for gas.

And so we made the decision, hey, we're gonna buy him a car, he only needs to pay for his insurance and for his gas. Not a great decision. Because what we did in that moment was, is we gave him something really, really valuable that hadn't cost him anything. And so consequently, he didn't value it.

And so for the next nine months, Joshua would take his car places that you shouldn't take a car. He would allow his friends to rough house in the car, and so handles were being broken off, armrests were being broken, one of the windows stopped working,

and it was in the down position, so now he's driving in this heat and it's hot, he's driving in the cold and it's cold. Eventually, Josh came to us and said, hey, I wanna sell the car. And I said to him, hey Josh, here's the deal, most of what's wrong with your car is cosmetic.

The reality is, if you would just spend a little bit of money and a little bit of time, you could fix all the things that are wrong with your car, and you'd have a great car. And he said, no, no, no, I hate my car, I wanna sell my car. Okay, Josh, I don't think it's a great decision, but okay. He sold his car,

The car he was able to buy, because his car was kind of beat up, was way, way, way inferior to the car he'd been given. And so now as he's driving his clunker around, guess what he's learning? Hey, if I take care of the things I have, I end up with a lot better things

than if I allow them to be abused by others and I don't take care of them myself. You allow them to learn by making their not so great decision. Another part that was super cool in this instance, his uncle bought the car. His uncle

took and fixed the door handle, fixed the window to go up, drove that car for the next five, six years. Every time we went to his uncle's house, Josh got to see the car he basically gave away. I'm thinking that maybe Josh and I had a couple discussions about that. And you understand that the consequence,

allowing your kid to feel the consequence actually becomes the moment for coaching. And so when it comes to this idea of making wise decisions or poor decision, one of the things is that after you've warned, after you've said, hey, this is probably how that turns out, you go, okay,

let's do that and let's just see how it goes and then you and I have the opportunity on the other side to go, hey, you make poor decisions, things turn out poorly. You make wise decisions, things turn out wisely. Okay? But there's a second path, right? There's a second path that leads to consequences,

and that second path is just disobedience. Right? In other words, look, I don't like the rule, I don't like what's going on, so I'm just gonna do what I want. The problem for a lot of us as parents, is that in that moment of disobedience, we are slow to respond.

Matter of fact, we get into a thing we call threatening repeating parents, and it's simply this, I'm busy doing something, my kid is not being obedient,

but I don't wanna stop the thing I'm doing, and so we just keep warning them and threatening them over and over again. Or maybe we've disciplined them 10 times, and we're like, I don't wanna discipline again. So we just keep warning and threatening without bringing consequence for their disobedience.

I know you're all looking confused at me right now, so it's okay. We did a video to kinda show you a threatening repeating parent. So here we go, here's the video. All right, I just gotta finish this email and then we can go home, Mae, just sit tight right there and we'll be good.

Can you not click the pin? I know it's not that big of a deal, but it's just really distracting. So if you could just not do that, it'd be great.

Mae, I need you to stop. If you don't stop, there will be consequences.

Okay, you keep on doing it. Do you not care about what I'm saying? I'm gonna make you go live with grandma and not the grandma that you like. Do you understand that?

Alright. What is your deal? You've been warned. Stop clicking the pin.

There will be consequences.

Unfortunately, we've all done that right, we've all been in that where we're like, oh, I've warned you now 37 times, and then we get so frustrated, right? Then we

Who was in control in that video?

The child. See the child was going, I get to disobey, I get to disobey. You realize the child see we dilute her, we think, no, was in control, was threatening him, it was, you know, I was in no, no, no. The child was in control. And

you realize that what happens is that then we finally get worn out, we finally get so frustrated that it's usually in anger that we discipline. And I'm just going tell you, we don't discipline well when we are angry. Why was the child doing that? Because she is demon possessed, no, mean because.

It's a game, I don't know if you're, it's a game. It's a game called poke the bear. And I'm just, it's fun.

So here's what you do, you know the bear is big and you know that the bear is dangerous, you don't actually wanna get the bear mad, you just simply wanna see how many times can I poke the bear without getting a reaction? How many times can I get away with it? So,

you poke your brother in the car, hey, remember she poking me, stop it. What do you do? Poke him again, right? How many times, and the fun of poke the bear is simply this, that it changes every day. See yesterday, I got to poke my brother nine times, today it was only five. And what I'm trying to figure out is,

how many times can I get away with it this time?

You realize when you and I do that, we turn our kids into gamblers. How many times can I be disobedient and get away with it?

Here's what we're gonna do, because we wanna teach our kids, hey, disobedience has consequences. And so you and I are gonna require first warning disobedience. In other words, I'm gonna warn you one time, and then I'm gonna require obedience after the warning. So think about in the video, what if dad

had instead simply said this, hey, I'm gonna ask you not to keep clicking the pin, it's distracting for me. And she clicks the pin again. Time for the warning. Hey, I asked you not to click the pin, you realize that clicking the pin is disobedience. What do I do to disobedience?

And then the child responds, well you give me time out or you take my phone or whatever it is, you discipline me. Think about what you've just done in that moment. You've just taken behavior, you're disobeying and you have tied it to a consequence. You're gonna give me time out, right? Literally, behavior, consequence.

So you look back down and she clicks again. Here's the good thing, you're not mad yet. You haven't been fresh, you just simply get up and you go, hey, come on, we're going to time out. And here's what you've taught your child, hey, you know what, poke the bear is not a fun game. There's consequence every time

I go back and try to do it again. Guys this is a huge life lesson, because somewhere they're gonna be out in life. And if they haven't learned the lesson,

then when their supervisor tells them to do something, and then they're gonna play passive aggressive and just ignore it and not do it, they're gonna see how many times can I get away with this before I get in trouble? And then they'll be fired and it wasn't my fault, right, poke the bear.

They're gonna do it in their marriage. They're gonna do it when it comes to legal issues. How many times can I get away with it before the and what you and I need to instill is there aren't you just hey, warning consequence? Warning, one warning obedience.

Hey, I asked you not to do that. What's gonna happen if you do that again? Oh, you're gonna discipline. Okay. And then

you have to follow through. Guys, here's what I'm gonna tell you. Ready for this? If you start to do this, you may have to explain this to your students. May have to go back and go look, I've been a threatening repeating parent. I've been letting you get away with far too we're gonna change the rule.

When you do something that you're not supposed to do, I'm gonna warn you once. If you continue to disobey, I'm immediately gonna bring consequence to your life.

And guys this may be a struggle for Lloyd because your kids have been playing poke the bear for a long time. But here's what I promise you, you do this for thirty days, you will have a completely different relationship with your child and you will be a much more effective

parent.

A child who does not understand consequences will end up breaking their parents' hearts. Foolish decisions lead to foolish consequences, Disobedience leads to discipline. If your kid doesn't learn that, they'll break your heart.

Let me ask you a little more penetrating question. Is there any chance that you and I haven't learned this lesson? Is there any chance that you and I play poke the bear with God? Hey God, know you said that, I know you asked me not to, I know you said would you

and I'm just gonna see how many times I can get away with disobedience. How many times I can thumb mine in before God gets angry and does something about it. I wonder if we have missed this fundamental truth in our lives, and that as Christians we play poke the bear with God.

Second lesson, first one is hey, this critical idea of consequences behavior brings about results, but the second one is, it is absolutely imperative that your kids learn positional authority. In other words, someone's in that position and because they have that position, they deserve a certain level of respect

because they have God given authority in their lives. How many times, how many times have these words come out of our mouths? You know what, he may be my supervisor, but I don't respect him or I don't respect her because they haven't earned it. Guys you understand that's a completely western view of authority.

It's a completely American view of authority and it is 100% wrong. It leads you and me to horrible places. Think about it. Let let us sink in for a second. Hey, I'm not gonna listen to you. I'm not gonna obey you. I'm not gonna do what you want because look, you haven't earned my respect.

See, the things you ask me to do sound stupid. They they don't that doesn't seem you you don't treat me with respect, so I'm not gonna treat you with respect. I I don't agree with what you're doing, so no. No. You haven't earned my respect. What if your kids put that on you?

Because here's what I'm gonna promise you, there's gonna come a moment when your kid is 15, and they're gonna go, look, I don't agree with you. Look, think what you're asking me to do is stupid. I don't think you've listened to me enough before you made the decision, so therefore you haven't earned my respect and no,

no I'm not gonna do it. And guys, they see you doing it, don't be surprised if your kids then give you the same response. Let's go to our Bibles real quick. Go to Romans chapter 13. So again, if you're not familiar, if go to the back of your Bible, you work to the left, you're gonna get to Romans.

Romans chapter 13.

Romans chapter 13 starting in verse one, it's talking about this idea of a positional authority. Here's what it says, Let everyone be subject to governing authorities. I did a deep dive in the Greek about that word everyone. Guess what it means? Everyone.

Everyone. Even those of us who are under authority that we don't like. Even those of us who are under authority that we think are making really bad. Let everyone be subject to governing authorities. For there is no authority except that which God has established.

You're wondering how you got that crummy super, there's a chance God gave you that crummy supervisor.

The authorities that exist have been established by God, consequently whoever rebels against authority is rebelling against what God has instituted and those who do so will bring judgment upon themselves. Now, before you go, I don't think God understood my circumstance.

Book of Romans means it was written to Christians who were living in,

this is not a trick question, and the answer is not Jesus. It's written to Christians who are living in Rome. The governing authorities in Rome are Romans. And guess what? Romans are horrible people. They are horrible people. The things they do are so unrespectable. The way they treat people is despicable.

And God says to Roman Christian living in Rome under Roman authority, hey, give honor, give respect to those who are in authority. Not because they've earned it, but because of the position they hold. Another verse, Proverbs chapter nine.

So if you're not familiar, open your Bible somewhere in the middle. You're probably gonna hit the book of Psalms, head to the right. Book of Proverbs.

Proverbs chapter nine.

10, here's what it says, you ready for this? The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Now you and I get a little freaked out about the word fear. You and I probably wouldn't use we would use, hey, the respect of the Lord. The honoring of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. He says, well, here's the deal.

That you would be able to say, look, he's God, I'm not. Which means I don't have to agree with him. It means I don't have to like the decision he made. He's God and because He's God, He has authority. Let's see if this helps.

Positional authority.

He's God, I'm not. He has authority higher than me, which means I don't have to agree. I don't have to like what He's saying, He's God and I'm not, positional authority. Guys, you realize this applies to you as a parent.

You're the parent, they're the child. I know the child doesn't look like you, that's another sermon for a later time. As a parent, you hold positional authority, your child doesn't need to agree. Your child doesn't need to go, oh you earned it.

Your dad, your mom, what are some other positional authorities? My supervisor at work, the cop who just pulled me over,

my pastor,

And I don't have to agree, I don't have to like it. I have to honor the position that God gave them in my life.

How to teach respect for authority? Number one, model it. This is one of those lessons that's better caught than taught. Your kids are gonna understand this by seeing how you respond to the authority in your life.

Okay, we're gonna wait a few seconds, yep, go back, go back. They were wrong. I got a lot more in tank here. Right, we're almost there. It's better caught than taught. Okay, oh you're telling me I'm out of time. Okay, give minute, I'll hurry up. Alright. It's better caught than taught. So here's the guys,

how do you treat people in positions that God is giving men, how do you treat your wife? You understand that she deserves respect because of the position she has. And by the way, you put her there. So you should there is no other woman in the world you should respect more than your wife. What are your kids seeing? Wives,

how do you treat your husband? Do you bad mouth him when he's because of the you don't have agree, because of the position, you give honor, you give respect. The police officer who just pulled you over told you that you rolled through a stop sign, you're sure you didn't,

your kids are in the back seat, how do you talk to that police officer who has positional authority in your life? And guys, you may get a ticket for something you actually didn't do, but you will be teaching your kid in the back seat honor, positional honor. Second thing real quick, how do you teach positional honor?

Stop explaining things to your three year old. Stop it. First off, they don't understand. But secondly, you ready for this? When you explain things to your three year old, your three year old thinks they have the right to either agree or disagree. They think they have a vote.

One of the best things you can do, especially in early childhood, we're gonna talk later about, hey, explaining things to our kids so they learn life lessons. But when your kids are young, did you know that one of the best things you can say to your kid is, because I told you so.

And I know you're going, I hated that when my parents did it. I know you, but doesn't mean it wasn't good. What you're calling on is your positional authority. Let me tell you why this is huge. Because someday your kid is 15

and there's gonna be a moment you're gonna go, no you can't hang with those kids. No you can't stay out past midnight. That's stupid, all my friends are because I said so. Positional authority. But let me tell you why this is even more critical. Because there is gonna come the day when your child is not gonna agree with God.

They're gonna go that verse is stupid, that God doesn't understand me.

And here's what you and I need to have taught. When it comes to positional authority,

That's God. And God's positional authority is so great that your kids shouldn't see you questioning it.

When God says, hey, don't forsake the assembling of yourselves together, what's your church attendance look like? It's caught more than it's taught. Hey, when God says tithe,

then you're messing, I am, because I want us to get this right. And I want what your kid says, hey why do we tithe, we could use that money for other, because we put God first and God asked and he has the right because of the position he holds. He's God and we're not.

And you want your child when they leave the house to go, hey I don't like that that God said I can't live with my girlfriend. Hey I don't like that God asked me not to do drugs. But he's God and I'm not. Okay, so you guys complain now.

Here's what I'm asking. What if what if for the next fourteen days, you asked your children for one warning obedience? You just said, hey, you realize that's disobedient, what do I do to disobey? Well, you discipline disobedience dad. Okay.

So you know what's gonna happen if you do it again. One warning disobedience, fourteen days. What if what if you and I showed our children respect and honor for positional authority? We showed honor by the way we treated our spouse. We showed honor by the way we treated the police officer who pulled us over.

We showed honor for the way we treated God and his commands in our lives. We'd be better parents. Let's pray. And to our heavenly father, this call to parenting may be one of the highest calls of our lives. And God, we can't afford to do it halfway.

We we need to be willing to say, look, I'll do what it takes to parent my kids. Well, I want I wanna give them the best push in the right direction as possible, but that means I better be living what I ask my parent my kids to do. Help us. Help us to be a generation that raises up an unbelievable

generation behind us because of how we parented. And this we pray in Jesus name. Amen.