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Closing The Distance | Cornerstone Church | Pastor Linn Winters · Rewind

Cornerstone Church

42 min

Linn Winters · Aug 24, 2026 · 5 min read · 42 min listen

The big idea

Nobody actually falls out of love — couples make a string of bad decisions that build a fence of memorialized offenses until they can no longer see the person they fell in love with.

In this message

The big idea
Point 1 of 8Nobody falls out of love — they make bad decision after bad decision that leads them out of love.
Point 2 of 8Through a series of everyday scenarios with TJ and Britt, offenses get 'memorialized' instead of resolved.

Point 3 of 8Building fences of remembered offenses is the most destructive pattern in any relationship.
Point 4 of 8The first way to handle an offense is to simply forget it — because love covers a multitude of shortcomings.
Point 5 of 8The second way is to forgive, and forgiveness should be initiated by whoever remembers the wound, not withheld until the apology feels complete.
Point 6 of 8Forgiveness does not mean pretending the offense was okay or that trust is automatically restored.
Point 7 of 8The third way is to fix it — agreeing together on new behavior so the same wound doesn't keep happening.
Point 8 of 8Marriage was not given to make us happy but to make us like Jesus.
Take it into your week
Transcript

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Scripture in this message

1 Corinthians 13:5
1 Peter 4:8
Ephesians 4:32
Matthew 5:23-24
Matthew 18:15

Rewind AI drafted the Big Idea and some point headings shown here from the sermon transcript. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

Linn Winters · Aug 24, 2026 · 42 min watch · 2 min read

Closing The Distance | Cornerstone Church | Pastor Linn Winters

In this message

Big Idea
Key points
Application

Scripture in this message

1 Corinthians 13:5
1 Peter 4:8
Ephesians 4:32
Matthew 5:23-24
Matthew 18:15

Big Idea Key points Application

Big Idea

Nobody actually falls out of love — couples make a string of bad decisions that build a fence of memorialized offenses until they can no longer see the person they fell in love with.

A remarkable, loving marriage is possible, but it requires doing things differently than culture, friends, or even our parents modeled. When we are hurt, we get to choose: forget it, forgive it, or fix it — instead of memorializing the offense and building a fence that eventually hides the person we love.

Key points

1
1Nobody falls out of love — they make bad decision after bad decision that leads them out of love.
Pastor Linn challenges the common excuse couples give when they divorce, insisting that love doesn't just fade on its own. Instead, small unaddressed offenses accumulate over time until the couple can no longer see the person they fell in love with.
2
2Through a series of everyday scenarios with TJ and Britt, offenses get 'memorialized' instead of resolved.
Using a running illustration of a couple (played by TJ and Britt), Pastor Linn walks through common marriage flashpoints — coming home late, being too tired to talk, wandering eyes, public embarrassment, spiritual leadership, and spending — showing how each unresolved hurt becomes another board nailed onto a fence.
3
3Building fences of remembered offenses is the most destructive pattern in any relationship.
Pastor Linn connects the fence illustration to 1 Corinthians 13:5, noting that love 'keeps no record of wrongs.' He explains that every offense we memorialize moves our heart one more step from the person we love and closes our heart down further.
4
4The first way to handle an offense is to simply forget it — because love covers a multitude of shortcomings.
Drawing on 1 Peter 4:8, Pastor Linn explains the Greek word hamartia (falling short) and applies it to a spouse's quirks and bad days rather than genuine sin. He illustrates with his own story of Lisa being a 'water thief' who steals his water glass, showing how choosing to overlook small annoyances protects the relationship.
5
5The second way is to forgive, and forgiveness should be initiated by whoever remembers the wound, not withheld until the apology feels complete.
Using Ephesians 4:32 and Matthew 5, Pastor Linn shows that God initiated forgiveness toward us though He was the injured party, and that we're called to run toward reconciliation whether we're the offender or the offended. He also warns against making forgiveness hard on someone who is trying to apologize by dredging up past offenses.
6
6Forgiveness does not mean pretending the offense was okay or that trust is automatically restored.
Pastor Linn clarifies that forgiveness simply means refusing to seek payback or inflict equal pain — like not speeding up if someone walks in front of your car — while still working toward repair.
7
7The third way is to fix it — agreeing together on new behavior so the same wound doesn't keep happening.
Pastor Linn shares how he and Lisa handled conflict very differently growing up (her home yelled, his was quiet) and how their early arguments were hurtful until they made rules: no raised voices, no name-calling, no 'always' or 'never,' and a focus on fixing the pattern rather than assigning blame.
8
8Marriage was not given to make us happy but to make us like Jesus.
Pastor Linn states plainly that God's purpose for marriage is transformation, not comfort, and that when two sinners commit to change and reconcile, they grow more like Christ.

Illustration

Story of childhood Chinese handcuffs used to illustrate counterintuitive solutions

Application

Pastor Linn's challenge is to take two boards down off your fence this week.

Suspend doubt for 30 days
Put the Chinese handcuffs somewhere you'll see them daily and commit to doing what scripture says a husband or wife should do, even when it feels intuitively wrong, and see what God does.
Choose to forget small shortcomings
Identify the quirks and off days that are just 'how your spouse is made' and let love cover them instead of turning them into offenses.
Initiate forgiveness, don't wait for it
If you've hurt someone, run toward them and make it right before you worship; if you've been hurt, move toward forgiveness rather than waiting for a complete apology.
Agree together on how you'll fix the pattern
Talk with your spouse about specific new behaviors — like Pastor Linn and Lisa's rules against yelling, name-calling, and 'always/never' language — so the same wound doesn't repeat.
Take two boards down this week
Pick two unresolved offenses and either forget, forgive, or fix them, then do two more next week until the fence is empty.

Take it into your week

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

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Scripture in this message

From the transcript
“It, speaking of love, does not dishonor others. It is not self seeking. In other words, it's not selfish. It's not easily angered. Are you ready? It keeps no record of wrongs”
Read the whole chapter →
From the transcript
“above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins”
From the transcript
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other. How do I show kindness and compassion? By forgiving”
Paraphrase of the transcript
therefore, if you're offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you... First, go and be reconciled to them, then come off for your gift.
Paraphrase of the transcript
If your brother or sister sins, in other words, now someone sinned against you, you're the innocent party... go and point out their fault.

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

7-day devotional

A personal reading plan from this message — scripture, reflection, and prayer for each day.

Sign in to track your progress through this devotional.

Day 1

Pastor Linn opened with a claim that cuts against a story our culture tells easily: nobody simply falls out of love. Love doesn't evaporate on its own. Instead, small offenses go unaddressed, one after another, until a couple can no longer see the person they once delighted in. It's not a single dramatic failure that does the damage — it's the slow accumulation of hurts we never resolved. Paul writes that love "keeps no record of being wronged" (NLT). A record of wrongs is exactly what quietly stacks up when we let offenses sit. Every one we hold onto is another entry in the ledger, another step our heart takes away from the person beside us. Pastor Linn's picture is honest: this pattern is possible in any marriage, including a good one, because it doesn't require malice — only neglect. This is not an accusation. Fear of conflict is human, and tired weeks are real. But it's worth beginning the week by simply noticing: what have I been quietly recording? Naming it isn't the same as fixing it yet. For now, it's enough to bring it into the light and admit that love keeps no ledger.

For reflection

What is one small hurt I've been quietly keeping a record of, even without meaning to?

Pray

Pray for honesty about the record of wrongs you may be keeping ___

Day 2

Related passageSong of Songs 2:15

Pastor Linn used a running illustration to show how ordinary a marriage's wounds really are: coming home late, being too tired to talk, a wandering glance, an embarrassing comment in public, a disappointment over money. None of these are catastrophes. Yet each unresolved one becomes a board nailed onto a fence — and board by board, the fence rises until it hides the very person we love. Song of Songs names it this way: "the little foxes that ruin the vineyards" (NLT). Not the wolves. The little foxes. It's rarely the enormous betrayal that dismantles a home first; it's the small, repeated things we decide aren't worth the conversation, so we tuck them away instead. The danger of the fence is that it feels reasonable while you're building it. Each board seems justified. Only later do you realize you can no longer see over it. Pastor Linn's warning isn't that you should feel guilty for having a few boards — every long relationship collects some. It's an invitation to notice the fence before it becomes a wall, and to remember that the person on the other side is someone you chose.

For reflection

Which "little fox" — some small recurring thing — have I decided isn't worth addressing, and what has it quietly cost?

Pray

Pray for eyes to see the small offenses before they become a wall ___

Day 3

The first of the three ways Pastor Linn offered is the simplest and, oddly, the hardest: sometimes you just forget it. "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins" (ESV) — and Pastor Linn noted the word behind "sins" here carries the sense of falling short, missing the mark. He was careful: this isn't about excusing genuine wrongdoing. It's about the quirks, the off days, the ways a person is simply made. His own example was disarming — Lisa, the "water thief," quietly claiming his water glass. He could memorialize it. Or he could let love cover it. Choosing to overlook it isn't weakness or denial; it's a deliberate act that protects the relationship from a wound that was never really a wound. There's freedom in deciding, ahead of time, that some things get to just be. Your spouse's slowness in the morning, the way they tell a story too long, the habit that isn't sin but simply personality — love can cover these. Not every irritation deserves a conversation. Some deserve a smile and a shrug. Ask which of the things that bug you are actually just how this person is made — and let those go.

For reflection

What quirk or off-day of someone close to me could I choose to simply cover with love this week?

Pray

Pray for the grace to overlook what is merely a shortcoming ___

Day 4

Some offenses can't just be forgotten — they need to be forgiven. Pastor Linn's striking point was about who moves first. We tend to wait: the offender waits to be approached, the offended waits for an apology that feels complete. But "make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others" (NLT). God initiated forgiveness toward us, though He was the injured party. That flips the whole waiting game. So whoever remembers the wound is the one invited to move toward it. If you've hurt someone, run toward them. If you've been hurt, move toward forgiveness rather than standing still until the apology arrives fully formed. Pastor Linn also warned against making it hard on someone who's genuinely trying — dredging up old offenses when they're reaching out. This is an invitation, not a verdict. Waiting for a complete apology is understandable; the hurt is real. But waiting can quietly become its own board on the fence. Initiating forgiveness doesn't mean the offense didn't matter — it means you refuse to let it keep growing. Who is one person you could move toward first?

For reflection

Is there someone I've been waiting on — to apologize, or to reach out — that I could move toward first?

Pray

Pray for the courage to initiate forgiveness rather than wait for it ___

Day 5

Pastor Linn drew from Jesus' words in Matthew 5 to press the urgency of reconciliation. "So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God" (NLT). Notice what Jesus interrupts: worship itself. He tells you to leave the gift at the altar and go. Reconciliation is that pressing to Him — more pressing, in that moment, than the offering you came to give. And notice the direction: this is the person who has something against you. Even when you're the one who caused the hurt, you don't wait to be confronted. You run toward them. This guards us against a comfortable religion that stays vertical while our horizontal relationships quietly fracture. Pastor Linn's clarification matters too: forgiveness doesn't mean pretending the offense was fine or that trust is instantly restored. It means refusing to seek payback — not speeding up when someone steps in front of your car. Still, the movement Jesus asks for is toward the person, before the altar. What would it look like to leave something at the altar this week and go make it right?

For reflection

Is there anyone who has something against me that I've avoided going to reconcile with?

Pray

Pray for whoever comes to mind that you need to be reconciled with ___

Day 6

Related passage

The third way Pastor Linn offered is to fix it — to agree together on new behavior so the same wound stops repeating. He was honest about his own marriage: he and Lisa came from homes that handled conflict in opposite ways. Hers raised its voice; his stayed quiet. Their early arguments were genuinely hurtful until they sat down and made rules — no raised voices, no name-calling, no "always" or "never," and a focus on fixing the pattern instead of assigning blame. "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" (NLT) asks Amos. Fixing a recurring pattern requires that kind of agreement — a shared, spoken decision made when you're not in the heat of it. This is different from forgetting a quirk or forgiving a one-time wound. It's for the pattern that keeps drawing blood in the same place. The key is that you decide together, and you aim at the behavior, not the person. Pastor Linn's rules were specific, not vague resolutions to "do better." The specificity is what makes them work. Is there a wound in one of your relationships that keeps reopening? It may be time to name the actual behavior, out loud and together, and agree on something concrete to replace it.

For reflection

What recurring pattern needs a specific, agreed-upon new behavior rather than another apology?

Pray

Pray for a concrete agreement to replace a pattern that keeps repeating ___

Day 7

Pastor Linn's challenge for this week was concrete: take two boards down off your fence. Pick two unresolved offenses and either forget them, forgive them, or fix them — then take two more down next week, and keep going until the fence is empty. So as this ordinary week begins, the question isn't whether you understood the sermon; it's which two boards you'll actually reach for. He also offered a way to guard your resolve: put something you'll see daily where you'll see it, and commit to doing what Scripture says a husband or wife should do, even when it feels intuitively wrong — and watch what God does over thirty days. Underneath all of it was the reason this is worth the discomfort. Pastor Linn said marriage wasn't given to make us happy but to make us like Jesus. When two people who fall short both commit to change and reconcile, they grow more like Him. That reframes the whole effort: taking down boards isn't just relational maintenance, it's formation. So, practically — which two? Name them today. One you'll forget, forgive, or fix, and then a second. Not the whole fence this week. Just two boards, and then two more.

For reflection

Which two boards will I take down this week, and will I choose to forget, forgive, or fix each one?

Pray

Pray for follow-through on the two specific boards you'll take down this week ___

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

Small-group discussion guide

For leading a group conversation about this message.

Open

Pastor Linn pictured a fence built one board at a time. Think of a fence you've seen or had somewhere in life — what did it wall off or keep out?

Discussion questions

1
Read 1 Corinthians 13:5 aloud together. What does it mean for love to keep 'no record of wrongs,' and how does that stand out against the way people usually handle being hurt?
2
Pastor Linn walked through everyday flashpoints — a late night, being too tired to talk, an embarrassing moment — and showed how each unresolved hurt becomes another board on the fence. Why do we tend to memorialize offenses instead of resolving them?
3
Read 1 Peter 4:8. What does it look like to let love cover a spouse's quirks or off days rather than turning them into offenses, and how do we tell the difference between a shortcoming to overlook and something that needs to be addressed?
4
Read Ephesians 4:32. Pastor Linn pointed out that God initiated forgiveness toward us as the injured party — what changes for us when forgiveness is something we run toward rather than wait to receive?
5
Pastor Linn said forgiveness doesn't mean pretending the offense was okay or that trust is automatically restored — like choosing not to speed up when someone walks in front of your car. How might that clarity help people move toward repair without pretending nothing happened?
6
Pastor Linn shared how he and Lisa made rules to fix their pattern — no raised voices, no name-calling, no 'always' or 'never.' What kinds of agreed-upon new behaviors might keep the same wound from repeating in a relationship?

Pray together

Ask God for the humility to take boards down instead of nailing them up — to forget small things, initiate forgiveness, and be shaped more like Jesus through our relationships.

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

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Go deeper

Where these passages are preached

1 Corinthians 13 1 Peter 4 Ephesians 4 Matthew 5

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Forgiveness Marriage Reconciliation

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