We Need Truth Tellers | Cornerstone Church | Pastor TJ McConahay · Rewind

We Need Truth Tellers | Cornerstone Church | Pastor TJ McConahay · Rewind

TJ McConahay · Apr 28, 2026

Big Idea

A good friend won't let you give in to your worst instincts, and God has given you the Holy Spirit as that friend who tells you the truth and calls you to turn curses into blessings.

Pastor TJ shows through the story of David, Joab, and Absalom that real friends are strong when we are weak, telling us the truth even when it costs them. When we feel alone in our pain, the Holy Spirit is the friend who is always present, always truthful, and who calls us to bless those who curse us rather than trade our destiny for our temporary feelings.

Key points

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1Healing requires listening to truth instead of endlessly rehearsing our pain.
Pastor TJ shares how after being church hurt by a toxic senior pastor, he and his wife Britt kept circling back to the pain on their walks. Britt finally told him to stop, reminding him that nothing happened to him that didn't already happen to Jesus, and that he could rise the way Jesus rose. He argues that our culture's advice to keep talking about trauma can trap us into becoming victims rather than victors.
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2David's friends refused to let him give in to his bad instincts to spare Absalom.
Pastor TJ walks through 2 Samuel, describing how after David's sin with Bathsheba his life unraveled, his son Absalom led a rebellion, and David was cast out of his own kingdom. Even though David told his generals to be gentle with Absalom, they knew that could not stand and did not follow that instinct.
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3A good friend will not let you give in to your bad instincts.
Pastor TJ illustrates the opposite with a story about his teenage friend Steve, whose bad instincts led them to spray each other with pepper spray in a Wendy's parking lot in front of his future mother-in-law, showing how bad friends encourage foolishness.
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4A good friend is strong when you are weak, even doing the hard thing others cannot.
Pastor TJ describes Joab killing Absalom despite David's order to spare him, because he recognized evil had to be confronted for the kingdom's sake. He contrasts this with his friend Adam, who stayed calm and let God redeem a tense encounter with an aggressive police officer, ending in the officer asking for prayer.
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5A good friend will not let you trade your destiny for your temporary feelings.
Pastor TJ recounts Joab's bold confrontation of David in 2 Samuel 19, rebuking him for mourning Absalom instead of honoring the men who saved his kingdom, warning him it would cost him everything if he did not go out and encourage his troops.
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6We are called to turn curses into blessings rather than live by an economy of rage or vengeance.
Pastor TJ tells of an angry customer in his helmet-painting side business and how the Holy Spirit kept prompting him with 'bless those who curse you' until he sent the man more money than he asked for, and found relief instead of resentment. He ties this to Jesus on the cross asking the Father to forgive those who mocked Him.
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7You are never alone because the Holy Spirit is the friend who lives inside every believer.
Pastor TJ closes by countering the lie that some people have no good friend, insisting that the Holy Spirit always tells the truth and is present everywhere, so no one who has said yes to Jesus is ever truly alone.

Application

Pastor TJ's charge is to become a Joab to the people around you, while trusting the Holy Spirit as the friend who never leaves.

Thank the truth-tellers in your life
If someone has confronted you and been right, tell them thank you now, even by text, for being strong when you were weak and not letting you give in to your worst instincts.
Become a truth-teller to others
Tell the people in your life who are ready to destroy their future over temporary pain that if Jesus rose, they can rise too, even if it costs you something.
Bless those who curse you
Instead of living out of an economy of rage or vengeance, choose to return blessing for cursing this week, following Jesus' example on the cross.
Trust the Holy Spirit as your ever-present friend
If you feel you have no good friend, reject that lie and rely on the Holy Spirit who lives in every believer and always tells the truth.

Take it into your week

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7-day devotional

A personal reading plan from this message — scripture, reflection, and prayer for each day.

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Day 1

"And the king commanded Joab, Abishai, and Ittai, 'For my sake, deal gently with young Absalom.' And all the troops heard the king give this order to his commanders" (NLT). Pastor TJ opened this story with a father's aching instinct. David had lost so much already — his kingdom, his home, his sense of himself — and now the son leading the rebellion against him was the one person he could not bear to lose. His instinct was tenderness, even toward the one bent on his destruction. It is human to feel that way. But Pastor TJ pointed out that David's generals heard the order and knew that some instincts, however understandable, cannot be obeyed. This is where the week begins: not with a verdict on David, but with an honest look at how our strongest feelings and our truest good are not always the same thing. Feelings are real. They deserve to be named, not shamed. Yet the people who love us best often see past the feeling to the future it threatens. Before you think about the friends around you, sit with your own heart today. Where has a feeling asked you to protect something that was actually pulling you down?

For reflection

Where in my life right now is my strongest instinct not quite the same as my truest good?

Pray

Pray for honesty about a feeling you have been protecting instead of examining.

Small-group discussion guide

For leading a group conversation about this message.

Open

Pastor TJ tells a story about spraying pepper spray with a teenage friend in a Wendy's parking lot. What's a time a friend talked you into something you look back on and laugh (or wince) at now?

Discussion questions

1
Read 2 Samuel 18:5 aloud. What does David's order to be gentle with Absalom reveal about the pull between a leader's feelings and what a kingdom actually needed?
2
Pastor TJ pointed to Joab doing the hard thing David could not. Looking at 2 Samuel 18:14-16, what do you think it costs a friend to be strong when someone they love is weak?
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In 2 Samuel 19, Joab confronts David for mourning Absalom instead of honoring the men who saved him. What does this passage suggest about how temporary feelings can tempt people to trade away their future?
4
Pastor TJ shared how the Holy Spirit kept prompting him with "bless those who curse you" until he returned kindness to an angry customer. Reading Luke 23:34, what do you notice about how Jesus responded to those who mocked Him, and what might it look like for us to live that way instead of out of an economy of rage?
Related passage
5
Pastor TJ described the difference between endlessly rehearsing our pain and listening to the truth that we can rise the way Jesus rose. How might that shift change the way we walk alongside someone who is hurting?
6
Pastor TJ named the Holy Spirit as the friend who is always present and always truthful, so no one who belongs to Jesus is truly alone. Between you and God this week, where might it help to lean on that truth rather than the lie that you have no good friend?

Pray together

Thank God for the truth-tellers He has placed around us, ask for the courage to be a Joab to others, and rest in the Holy Spirit as the friend who never leaves.

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Topics

Forgiveness Friendship Healing Holy Spirit Truth-Telling

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